


Two Pot Screamer(s)

by Sassy_Dinosaur



Series: Headcanons [19]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, Family Fluff, Headcanon, Implied Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 20:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10198985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassy_Dinosaur/pseuds/Sassy_Dinosaur
Summary: Every member of the Durin bloodline is a lightweight that can’t hold their liquor to save their life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote these at 1-2 am yesterday because I couldn't sleep and because it's my birthday, I decided that I'd post them. Hope you enjoy! :)

Every member of the Durin bloodline is a lightweight that can’t hold their liquor to save their life. 

 

Thorin is the worst of all. He’s drunk off his ass in two drinks. Singing and dancing in three, and can’t remember anything that happens after four. Thorin always insists that he knows his body and can drink as much as he wants, but then everyone in the bar/pub hears him singing about his family (or Bilbo... or cookies... or both) before the sun has even set.

 

Dis is the best at hiding it. Mostly because she likes to drink every once in a while. That mostly comes from being the only Durin with children. The one time she got _really drunk_  she woke up with the dwarven equivalent of a tramp stamp and she walked into her living room to find Dwalin sporting a mohawk.

 

Fili and Kili are better than Thorin, but Dis says that’s because Vili was able to drink his weight in ale and then some before he was even tipsy. They think she’s exaggerating, but don’t care if it means being able to _remember_  Thorin dancing around the bar/pub. Fili is a lighter weight than Kili, but it doesn’t bother him. It does bother Kili though, mainly because Fili will get drunk off his ass and start flirting with Ori. More than once Kili has had to drag his brother away from “The loveliest scribe in all of Middle Earth” before said scribes big brother Dori kills him.

 

Balin is the best at holding his liquor. Most think it’s because of he’s older, but really it’s because he’s a social drinker and even then he doesn’t drink much. He prefers tea over ale any day. No one has seen Balin drunk, not even Dwalin. 

 

Dwalin. When he’s drunk he gets _hungry._ And he not hungry for just anything. Oh not, he’s hungry for cookies. He doesn’t care what kind (though, he prefers chocolate chip). They could be stale for all he cares, he just has to have _cookies!_  Though, if cookies are not available to him or he is denied cookies, Dwalin will turn into the biggest drama queen. Complete with (poorly) hidden tears and bitch face #17.

**Author's Note:**

> A two pot screamer is an Australian slang term for a lightweight.  
> Or at least that's what this website said:  
> http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/274155/what-is-the-term-used-for-people-who-get-drunk-easily


End file.
